It sucked and then I cried : how I had a baby, a breakdown, and a much needed margarita / Heather B. Armstrong.

New York : Gallery Books, [2010]

ix, 262 pages, 8 unnumbered pages of plates : black and white illustrations, portraits ; 23 cm

Let the anxiety commence -- How to exploit an unborn baby -- A twenty-pound basketball with legs and arms -- Dressing like a concubine in Humpty Dumpty's harem -- Labor to the tune of Janet Jackson's nipple -- You have to feed the baby ... through your boobs -- Sympathy for the world -- It's all fun and games until someone pokes their eye out with a baby -- The dive the turned into a belly flop -- Your biological clock is a dumbass -- Other mothers : your harshest critics -- Trusting the wisdom of a dog -- Finally, proof that I was in the room when she was conceived -- Heather, interrupted -- Her screamness who screams a lot every day with the screaming -- If your wife is pregnant, you might want to skip this one -- My arms spread completely wide -- I never thought I would become this woman.